Tuesday, October 21, 2014

no other way...

So, in Bali for the last 3 weeks...

Has been a little crazy and a little mixed emotions at the beginning... and it looks now that I'm finally settling down and finding my way.

I'm teaching an IDC at the moment, so that's make my day busy, doing something that I love, of course and when the afternoon comes and my day is over, I run... I run as much as I can... for an hour... but I run... is a strange feeling the need that your body build day by day for going running, go faster and further...

When I finish, I do yoga, and by the time I go home... I'm so tired... that I can just fall asleep on my bed, wondering if today I was good, for my Karma to be good... and I sleep and I dream...

And I realise that my life couldn't be any other way, because what I am today is what I'm fighting for....
And I drink my first coffee and think at the people that love me... that are the same people that I fall asleep with.
And I wonder if they are OK, and happy and i hope that today they will have a great day.

And then for a micro second, I think about the people that hurt me, is a small second... because I know they don't deserve it... because I didn't deserved been hurt on the first place.
And I sip into my coffee and light a cigarette and know that today it will be a great day.

I know why I love this island, and the more time I spend alone, the more I know that some of the things I have done, were the best decisions ever!

I lift incense to the gods to thank them to take care... and if is all in the imagination... who cares... it makes me happy to thank for an amazing day and for the incredible people that are in my life, and I even thank for the people that left my life, because they will be hurting me and making me cry and I don't want.
I cried enough already!

Life is good and beautiful, and I'm 34 and I can still run for 10km in 65 minutes... so hey!

Peace and love

Just me... no other way

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

This is...

... The party island ;-)

So they talk about Ibiza, opening parties, closing parties, every day parties during 5 months per year... and then I arrive here... and guess what... every day is a party... ok, ok, not actually A party... but YES, a ceremony. A day to give offerings, go to the temple, dress in traditional clothes, very beautiful by the way...

Yesterday I had 2 divers, to go to Tulamben. Is normally a couple of hours drive, but we left way earlier because we were taking an alternative route, through the mountains... that was actually so incredible! Ok, I wouldn't do this long way every day... but it was very nice.

There is something about Bali.

I still don't know what it is.

I have been here for nearly 2 weeks, I miss "my people" to death, miss my friends, my hairy boys.
Most of the time I'm alone.
Working alone, to prepare the IDC to make sure that everything is into place.
Alone at home.
Eating alone.
Alone, alone... but even like that, there is this strange magnetism with this island.

I just don't know why.

I'm not sure if is the diving (Am i so addicted?) or the amazing rice fields, the smell of incense everywhere, the thousands of flowers wherever you look, the kites on the beach... I really don't know what it is...
There is something.

I just want to know what it is.

I have to figure out what it is...
Or maybe I'm figuring out something else...
Who knows...

I'm here in a mission I guess... is it the right one?
I don't know, but is MY mission, and at the moment... this is what I've got: teaching (maybe that's why I'm so focus in it).

Anyway, not long now to start my IDC, not long at all... I love to be distracted from my own life by work... makes it easier...

Missing you, and you and you

Peace and love

Just me... figuring out what life is about...

Friday, October 3, 2014

Bali... inside reflexion...

So, what is going on in the life of a girl/woman that is reading a book called “No culpes al Karma de lo que te pasa por gilipollas” (“don’t blame Karma of the things that happen to you because you are stupid”).

Talking about Karma, I’m back in Bali.
After 4 years.
I always felt it was something unfinished here.

I arrived a week ago, like always, putting my life in 2 bags, 40 kilos allowed and a cabin back pack heavy like hell.

I thought it was going to be very easy to be back here, and in a way, it is.
I enjoy my work, my home and to see friends I haven’t seen for 4 years!

But is true that there is a “je ne sais quoi” in my heart…

I left Spain with a heavy teary heart, because loosing a very good dear friend is one of the hardest things have ever happened to me. So I spent around 17 hours fly crying… nice.
Of course it was the mix of emotions with saying good bye to my Family and Agus (both of my amazing supports to take on this new adventure) and my friends and a final good bye to someone very very special in my life.

So a week has gone, and still jet lag, but because I’m alone, I get a lot of time to rethink and think everything.

One of the things I realised, is that last time I was here, I did some things wrong. I didn’t meant to, but I did. I hurt people and I shouldn’t have done, and I hurt myself.
Emotionally and physically with a very bad motorbike accident: Karma? Maybe.
What I’m realising now that I’m back is that the island is giving me a second opportunity, so I’m taking Bali resolutions.
One of them is to never hurt people that love me and protect me. Love is not unconditional and you have to take care of it.
The other one, is that actually I don’t really care if you like me or not. I’m here to do my job, and to do it well…
I just don’t want stories, I don’t want to hurt and I don’t want to get hurt.
I want to wake up in the morning, teach, dive, feel it and love it.

Bali is going to be very different now for me.
I see the island with other eyes. But still an amazingly beautiful island.

It was nice to be back at Tulamben. To dive. To say hello to the wreck…

And right now is nice to be at home and write on my blog, think about life, relax…

I’m alone, and even if is hard sometimes… I don’t mind been with myself… is not that bad ;-)

Here for all, and hopefully more often… I will write some news!

Peace and love

Just me.